Out of confusion

One thing I know I can always count on in difficult situation is my own “therapy”. If I get thrown life’s challenges I can always count on three things:

  • My cooking
  • My meditation
  • My writing

And so I am using this blog today to write as I need to work though some issues. Writing and putting things quote on quote onto paper sort to speak helps me.

My youngest child is still living with me, he’s a wonderful being and I love him. His girlfriend is living with us as well and I want to say I love both of them incredibly. They are truly wonderful beings. And yet, I have so much energy on them. I like my house to be really clean. Not so with my son. He tries very hard and yet it doesn’t happen many times. Ok, so I let it go. Life sometimes gets really tough around here. I so do my best to be in calmness, but it’s very often not possible.

I pray, I meditate and I write. Writing helps me. But no matter what I say, beg for or ask for it DOES NOT happen, or it doesn’t happen in the timeframe I would like it for happen. Man oh man! So I meditate, I turn on my chants and tell myself as my oldest son, Nico, always tells me:”This too shall pass”.

So this too shall pass, and what happens in the meantime? In the meantime, I am often a basket case. I am alone without my husband most of the month due to his work. I try really hard and yet I learned from Insight trying is not doing. Ok, so I get that. So then I do! And yet I feel so often because I am a woman and not a man, a mother and not a Dad, I loose out.

It’s so hard and I have such respect for single Moms and Dads. Well, let me be frank, more for single Moms than single Dads.

Anyways I try to talk and probe and be understanding and yet so often it’s like they don’t hear me. I so often feel I have to go through a whole rigamarole of words and explanations. And my kids are such great kids, but sometimes, Gosh I wish I could just live in a retreat. It’s so hard. And hey, I am not a spring chicken anymore. So even more so, I want to have peace, harmony and order in my house.

What do other people do? I do not know? I cook, I shop, I chop, I create dinners and do dishes and I clean. And then I feel still even after all of this the children still do not understand.

Ok, so I am stepping out of victims, I had once someone working for me for 17 years and this person was an eternal victim, so I do not want to be a victim.  It’s all my choice and I get that. And yet, it’s still so challenging. Maybe I am just rambling instead of making sense, but I needed to write and my friends, who write like Lori will understand. I needed to write and I am audacious enough to publish it. Wow, that’s a big step.

I will learn over time to stand up and speak up for myself! And to do so in a way it can be understood, but it’s so tough to be alone for 3 weeks out of a month and I so understand single Moms now!  I really do!

God’s Blessings,

BB

The r

Gratitude

Every morning when my alarm goes off or most mornings when I wake up by myself, I stay in bed and remain still. I often have a conversation with God and ask for Blessings for the day. I also have a little ritual whereby I express gratitude to having woken up, for having my husband in my life, my three wonderful children, my friends and to be living where I live. Most important is to me that I stay away from taking things, life and wonderful situations for granted.

So I pull out my little journal and write down at least 5 things I truly am grateful for. I have heard often said that gratitude and/or acknowledgement cannot cover the same space with fear. How GREAT is that?

When “fear” enters my space of mind, I jump into gratitude and acknowledgement and every time it saves me from experiencing this horrible fear. It’s gone!

It does take a little practice! However it is so worth it!

Try it out! It works!

Namasté

BB

Barbara Bassill

310-924-4911

Pathetic

Have you ever tried to reach your husband, wife or son or daughter on the phone? I mean the cell phone? Have you ever experienced “them” not answering the phone regardless of how many times you try to reach them? You have to really talk to them about a situation that is so in need of their answer, or their help or something like that.

But they are not answering!

Pathetic!

In loving,

BB

Pre-Thanksgiving

For the last 30 years I have “done” Thanksgiving. The last few years I told myself, actually I promised myself that I would not do “it” again. Our Thanksgiving feast graduated from a family of six to eventually friends and family which amounted to about 10, sometimes 12. This was do-able. The last three years though, our wonderful fest grew from 12 to 14 and this year we are 19, possibly 20.

I have noticed that I have a pattern whereby I promise myself after each Thanksgiving that I will not “do it again”. I tell my children, I tell my husband and I also call my friend, Alena, and let her know, that next year I will go “away”.

Well, and then September rolls around. Slowly but surely it turns into fall, even here in California. My kids call or text me and ask me:”Mom, what are we going to do for Thanksgiving this year and who shall we invite?” Of course there are my best friends who absolutely have to come. My daughter will say to me naturally Judy and her boys have to come, they have been with us forever and then of course Alena and then oh Mom, this year let’s have so and so over. I sigh! Do I really want to do this again?

Generally it takes me a good 4 weeks to prepare. Plan the food, do the grocery shopping and eventually cook everything from scratch. Do I really want to do all this again? My children will tell me how much they love my stuffing and how much they want the red cabbage–my Grandma’s recipe–and of course Grandma Margaret’s pumpkin pie. I smile, and guess what I just give in and say ok, bring over whoever you want and let’s have a party.

Today I went to my local pharmacy to pick up a prescription and I ran into a wonderful wooden sign that reads:”Just go with the flow”. Oh how I laughed when I saw this and of course I bought it. I walked outside of the store, smelled the air, felt the ocean breeze and in this moment I felt so much gratitude. Gratitude for my life, for where I live, my friends, my family, my children and my beloved husband.

I am going with the flow. That’s the ticket! And you know what, I love it. I love “doing” Thanksgiving and having all the hustle and bustle going on. All the preparations and figuring out where to seat everyone, because a sit down dinner for 19-20 is quite something. I love it!  I really do. What a blessing in my life, I tell myself, that I can do this. I can share my love for cooking and food and my love for my family and friends.

I feel so blessed to be able to do this and to share not just the great food but also my home and my heart, my love for all of them. So, I am changing my attitude. I decided I am going with the flow. How wonderful it is to be doing all of this.

I love Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for the blessings in my life. I will cook, I will bake and I will have a house decorated for the holidays and share all of this with my family and friends.

Thank you dear Lord for this gift!

With boundless blessings ahead

BB

Barbara Bassill

DO ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN?

Baloo~~the best four-legged friend in the world

Four weeks ago my beloved Bernese Mountain dog, Baloo, was killed. A Motorcyclist ran into him. It was a tragic and traumatic moment. In the back of the car, where I was holding Baloo as my husband raced to the emergency vet hospital, I felt completely helpless. All I could do was tell him how much I loved him and I kept begging him to hang on. I heard myself repeating over and over: “Baloo, hang on, it will all be good”.

When we got to the hospital, the vet came running out with a stretcher and they put him in a room on a table. There was blood all over him and me. Then came the most horrible moment when I was told he didn’t make it. I was holding him and I didn’t want to let go. No, this cannot be true. I didn’t want to believe it and I didn’t want to let go. I screamed and cried and begged God to not let this be true.

But it was, Baloo was gone. An hour ago he was still in the dining room with me, lying by my feet, watching my every move. Now he was gone.

I felt like in a bad dream. I hoped that it was a dream, that I would wake up and it all was just a nightmare. Somehow my husband drove us home and somehow I ended up in my bed and at some point and time I fell asleep because I just couldn’t cry anymore.

The next day was a blur. My children had already posted tons of pictures and what had happened and then lots of sweet messages from family and friends poured in.

Every time I got a new one, the tears were streaming down my face again. I kept telling myself I had to somehow get a hold of myself, but I just couldn’t. And so I did what Françoise Sagan wrote about in her book: “Bonjour tristesse”.

As the days went by and I slowly but surely came out of my “funk”, I began to ask questions, inner questions. Like, why did this have to happen? If it is true that everything in life happens for a reason, what was the reason behind Baloo’s death?

Some people could not understand how I could suffer so much the loss of a “pet”.

Baloo was not “just a pet”. He was the little brother of my children, he was the companion when I was alone at home and my husband was on a business trip. He was my friend, my child, and my “watching-over-me boy”. He was so sweet, he knew exactly what I thought and felt and wanted to do. He followed me around the house everywhere. He slept at the side of my bed. He always understood what I said to him. As matter of fact, he knew what I was saying without me using words.

I accompanied my husband on his business trip. I had to get away from the house, an empty house. A home without Baloo. As I spent the next few weeks in a different environment, I began to calm down and the tears became slowly but surely less and less.

Then came the moment when I made an inner resolve: I must distract myself; I need to get my life back on track. I couldn’t continue to look at his pictures and read the messages that were still coming in. I decided to join a dance studio and started Zumba and something called Nia. I went to the gym, for walks and went swimming.

This was helping. I could finally laugh again and move and for a few hours in the day, I was able to forget that Baloo was gone.

I began to remember “acceptance”, the first law of Spirit. I sat with that many days for a long time. Finally I asked myself: “Barbara, what are you supposed to learn from this accident and what have you learned?”

Here is what I got from these questions:

I learned:

  1. To be gentle with myself
  2. To give myself permission to grieve
  3. To honor my feelings
  4. To be ok with not working and doing, but instead being
  5. To exercise in service to overcome situations like this
  6. To trust my inner knowing that there was and is a reason, one I may not know yet but one I will indeed know
  7. To let go and let God

I feel finally able to write this blog without crying and without feeling terrible pain.

I am following my learnings and I am “being” more.

I am going with the flow.

I am grateful to be alive, to have my children and my wonderful husband and feel their love and support.

I am practicing gratitude and living under grace.

One day I will see Baloo again and until then I am living with ease and grace and most of all being gentle with myself.

With loving,

Barbara

The dessert life I want

I love chocolate, though it doesn’t alway “love” me.  I love dessert and I enjoy creating a dessert life for myself, my children and my family.

What do I mean by that?

I mean cooking up or creating a delicious dessert is a fun thing to do. It can be all kinds of things:

Chocolate cake

Mousse

Berries and Cream

Ice-cream

Whatever it is we like…….so I am thinking what if I use this “creating a dessert” for my life?

That to me that is a wonderful picture in my mind’s eye. Imagining to “dessert” up my life!

Thus I made up my mind for today–one day at a time– to bake up and to cook up “my yummy life” and to go for my dreams. One way I do this, is by sharing this blog. Another is to imagine, to then write this down, how I can create that perfect dessert-life!!!!!

So here I go into my kitchen and doing just that, while having myself a delicious treat!

Bon Appetit and here’s to your life!

 

Woman Power

What if we women–especially those of us who are over 40, 50 or even 60—could have what we want at this stage in our lives?

Some of us have lost our husbands, significant other or mate for whatever reason. Some of us feel we have reached a time in our lives where it is indeed time to live “that Life” we always dreamed of as little girls.

So, I ask you: what if that were possible?

What would it look like? Do you know? Have an image or a picture in your mind?

I do! My children are all grown–well, more or less! Most of them are “out of the house”. I now have the time to go for my dreams.  I know there are so many ways to get to the manifestation of our dreams.  There are classes and courses, tons of books and seminars.

Sometimes that is daunting to me and I ask myself:”Which one should I take? Which one speaks to me and my heart? Which one resonates with deep inside of me”? What is the answer?

To me the answer is sitting down in peace and quiet and giving myself the opportunity to feel what comes forward, what comes up in my mind’s eye. To allow myself to see what it is that I truly in the second part of my life want to do. Where do I want to spend my time? 

Maybe some us have jobs and the 9-5 grind is so overwhelming that we just don’t want to make the time for introspection. Yet, THIS is exactly what we need to do. Many of my friends in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s have decided to really “go for it”. To write a book, to create a seminar, to go back to school and get that degree we have always wanted ( I did ) and to just listen to our heart.  Most of all though, what really is present for me is, that we take a baby step. One step at a time.

It doesn’t have to be perfect! It doesn’t even have to be the “IT”. But to give ourselves~~and I include myself in this~~ the willingness and the opportunity to take a BABY STEP!  One day at a time, one step at a time. To have a vision, to believe we can do it regardless of what the world around us tells us.

To break the habit or pattern of “settling” or complacency, to love ourselves enough to take a step towards that which we truly desire in our hearts.

It’s simple and yet I agree not very easy, yet it is do-able.

Take a moment and “mulch”:

Write down in a notebook or a piece of paper what you really want. We women need and must give ourselves the chance to live the lives we always have dreamed of. And if not now, then the question is: “When”?

Thus love yourself to the point of making the time to sit down and write this out.

Ask yourself:”What is it I can do right now, today, tomorrow and next week to move this dream forward?”

Note down what comes up and most of all TAKE A STEP! One step at a time!

I believe in me and I believe in woman power!

 

Love and Light

BB

 

 

 

 

Love Food and Cooking

On Easter I decided that I would have a fabulous BBQ or cook-out as my friend from the East Coast calls it. Here’s the menu:

We had:

Célérie Rémoulade as an appetizer with a nice cold glass of Pinot Grigio

Marinated barbequed Lamb chops with little baby tomatoes

Grilled Green asparagus and

Grilled marinated Japanese Eggplant and with all of this a nice glass of Cabernet.

For the piece de resistance–to finish up the dinner–we had

French Vanilla Ice-cream with organic blueberries and Nutella

It was so delicious! We both loved it and had such a good time.  We even went on the internet and looked up chicken coops as I want to put a chicken coop in my yard.  We also checked out different options of “making a veggie garden” and we came up with some great ideas.  I will put some planter boxes, which I already have~got them from a dear friend of mine in San Diego~and plant strawberries, radishes and carrots for starters.  Later on I will have a real vegetable/fruit garden in my yard together with my little chickens.  Can hardly wait.  So exciting!

I love food. I am what I call a “foodie”. And at the same time I believe in working off my extra intake of “food”. Thus I believe in simple and yet effective work-out. I actually think this word “work-out” is not very attractive.

So I began calling it a “play-out”! I go for a walk with my dog, or a little hike, or I even sometimes just walk the stairs in my house 10-20 times a day or hey even more. It makes me feel so good to have my endorphins give me a boost.

Thus I actually really love cooking, eating “delish food” and then to work it off. I can have my cake AND eat it.  Because I choose to have some “play-out” time.

Once I decided that I can actually eat all my favorite foods because the next day I will have my “play-out”, I felt so good about cooking it all and then eating it all.  You may want to try this yourself. I know the thought of working out doesn’t seem too appealing to most people or most women. Just try to turn it around. Do something you can actually enjoy. Once you try to walk at the beach, on a canyon, in a park, walk your doggie, go to a dance class–my daughter loves Zumba–climb the stairs of your house, walk around your yard or hey even just vacuum your house, you will see indeed, you will feel GREAT!  And you will feel good about having had all “that food” or “all that desert” the night before. Because you played it off! (:

I know! I have been there. And I AM there many times. 

So here is to a great Spring to all of us women!  Eat, enjoy, walk and have some “play-out” time!

It works! I know so, it does work! 

Blessings ahead for a great wonderful and fun Spring-time!

Barbara

 

How about ME?

Is it selfish to think of “me”? Or is it following my dreams and goals?

Wow, what a question!!!!!  I heard someone say today that if we follow our dreams we actually are one with Spirit, creating joy and Blessings for ourselves AND the world around us. That’s a great thought, a wonderful concept!

I tend to agree!!!!!!  On an airplane they say to put on the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST before you put it on to your loved ones or maybe neighbor.  So….what does this mean????

When I take care of myself first, I am honoring a sacred process–I am not selfish nor arrogant.  I am letting the universe know that I count. I find this to be very helpful:

  • Close your eyes and imagine a beautiful scene
  • Allow yourself in this state to see and experience what you want to be or become
  • Give yourself permission to be audacious and do just that
  • No matter what: You come first
  • Allow this to sink into your consciousness
  • Then go and act on this in outer world reality

I am sending you light and loving

BB

Health Care

I am originally from a country which has health care for all its people! There is not one person in Germany who does not have health insurance.  It doesn’t matter whether you are a “democrat” or a “republican”, everyone has it. It’s a way of life!

Why has it been so challenging for some people in our country to ACCEPT the fact that EVERYONE, EVERY citizen deserves to have health insurance?  I don’t get it!

It’s not just a privilege, it’s a necessity!  It is something we all must have, should have and most of all we all DESERVE to have!  

Please watch your local news and see what is happening.  Be informed!  VOTE when the dates for voting come up!  Vote for YOU and all your fellow countrymen.

We all deserve to be well, to be part of a good health care system!  It’s a BASIC fundamental life requirement!

 

With Blessings

BB

Previous Older Entries

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 721 other followers

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 721 other followers

%d bloggers like this: